Bar results went public today

Today my mom and I went to a warehouse sale in downtown. We were passing by The Shrine aud when it dawned on me that I graduated law school a year ago, and the original group of classmates I had back on '04 were graduating today at The Shrine. Congratulations to them all. How time flies!

I start my PMBR classes tomorrow, and going back to the old campus. It's gonna be weird. Oh well.. at least I've got jeans to wear.

My friend passed the Bar today. I don't know why I capitalize "Bar" when I refer to the CA bar, I guess it's because right now I consider it as the bane of my existence--something that I have to kill, slaughter, annihilate. I couldn't be more proud and happy for her. I believe I congratulated her before she even muttered "I passed the Bar" cos I knew she'd pass it. Now that I think of it, maybe that's why she asked if I had checked the results this morning (I totally forgot to check until she reminded me). I'm so happy for her and a little bit jealous because I want to be in her position--happy, ecstatic, relieved, the feeling of being free from the shackles of the CA Bar--in November when I find out about my results after taking the July '08 Bar, but I don't wanna get too ahead of myself--there's work to do and I've got to start soon.. like, tomorrow morning when I wake up.

to all those who passed the Feb Bar and who recently graduated.

So I failed the Bar the first time...

I've learned to put that behind me. I guess. Let me rephrase that, I'm almost over it.. not completely over it yet because it really sucks to be in the same position again as I was a year ago with The Bar--Take One (July 2007).

It's been almost a year now since I started reviewing for the July '07 Bar. Now it's The Bar--Take Two and I'm self-reviewing for the most part. I didn't take PMBR the last time, but knowing multiple choice was my weakness, I should've taken it a year ago. I couldn't though because I could hardly stay awake back then. I was pregnant and in my first trimester, and couldn't stay awake even if my life depended on it.

Don't believe the Bar/Bri guy when he says you could fail all essays with a 55 and still pass. BULLSH*T! I got one score of 55 and the rest were 60s, 70s, and even 80s and I still failed! I knew I would do well with my essays, I also knew I needed work on my MBE. I really suck at multiple guessing.. er.. multiple choice, and that proved to be the killer. Oh well, this time around I'll actually do MBE questions instead of skipping them.

"I'm not stupid, I know it, but how could I fail by fifteen points?" was the question I asked myself over and over. Fifteen scaled points, I would emphasize.

Fifteen scaled points. It used to make me feel good knowing that I only failed by fifteen scaled points. It gave me that little glimmer of hope that I didn't fail miserably and that I could do it again and pass the %&^!$ Bar.

Yesterday I read about another Bar-taker who failed by five points. That sucks even more. That person took the Feb Bar and awaiting results which come out tomorrow.

I would've been waiting for my results too if I had taken the Bar last Winter. When I got the results last November I panicked and signed up for the Feb Bar. Hello?! I was still pregnant and due to give birth sometime around 22Jan. I paid the $600 or so bucks for the application, only to retract it a week later--better senses came over me. Why voluntarily put myself through another grueling Bar review while pregnant, and after giving birth? I should be focusing on my pregnancy and the arrival of my baby. So I did. I forfeited almost $300. Oh well, I'm in debt for well over $100k, what's another $300?

Anyway, I told my spouse about that person and his reaction: "that's different! S/he failed by only five points. YOU FAILED BY FIFTEEN POINTS!" as if to mock me. My bitterness took the most out of me and I yelled back at him: "IT IS THE SAME! WE BOTH FAILED! EITHER YOU PASS IT OR YOU DON'T!" That's when I came to the realization that I shouldn't hold on too much to my 15-pt deficit.

I still have a little glimmer of hope, though, and that comes from my darling daughter. If anything good came out of this whole Bar experience, it is the birth of my lovely daughter. My inspiration and my hope. I have to pass the Bar, if not for myself, or my family, it would be for my daughter.

I'll be damned if I don't pass the Bar this time. I can't tell for sure when or if I will take it again the third time because I'm trying to be positive. All I know is I won't be taking the Bar longer than it would take one to finish law school (and I finished a year ahead of schedule). I will pass the ^%@$# Bar the second time around!

So TAKE THAT ^%# CA *&%*# BAR!